Stress,Pressure,Tension

Have you ever feel like you just want to die?
Like you want to get out of this world for a while??
It hurts..
Nobody appreciates what I do.
Everything I do is wrong.
People always blame on me.
When I have some time to put my mind on ease..
Someone would just interfere my time.
I don't know why but..it just gets on my nerves.
There's no one that I could freely let out all of my problems and worries.
Why me?
Why not anyone else?
I don't want to push myself.
I already know it's gonna hurts if I did that.
But someone will push me,
I just want to scream out at them "Do I look like I can handle it??"
It's hurts,
It's really painful,
Can someone understand me?
I just need a hug and a shoulder to cry on right now but I don't have anyone.
I want someone who will say "It's going to be alright" to me.
People don't understand me.
I'm just faking my own self the whole time.
9 out of 10 times I would just broke down in the toilet or in my room.
I just hate myself.
At times I just want to lock myself in a room,crying,shouting as much as I want.
And no one will stop me.
You see me as a happy-go-lucky girl.
Actually,I'm just trying to cheer myself up.
I'm tired of tears.
HUG and COMFORTS
is the only thing I want..
I don't need
PITY

Life As an 8th Grader

It started on 11th January 2015,
It was something new to me.
New friends.
New teachers.
New class.
Let me confess something..
I don't even remember all of my teachers' and friends' name yet.
Hahahahah..
It was hard being a 8th grader actually..
I miss my childhood times.
I barely get a rest..
Homework after homework after homework.
But people said that's the way to become a successful person.
I need to bear with it.
It just a beginning.
It's going to be hard but hard is not impossible.
I better do my homeworks first or I will get scolded by my teachers tomorrow.
Byeee

Happy Birthday Princess!!!

Assalamualaikum..
Today's date is 25th December 2015 and 11.00 p.m.

Guess what?!?!
Today is Kakak's birthday!!
Happy Birthday sweetie!!
Miss you a lot~
Wake up soon..
Sorry for the late wish.
Kakak,today I just got my result for my class in 2015.
I'm being placed on the first class!
Yeay!! trust me,I was jumping like a little girl in your room.
Wish we can celebrate it together.
So,that's all!!
And don't forget that I love you to the moon and back.
Love you *kisses*

Sometimes~

Sometimes there are moments when I feel like I want to give up.
I don't want to continue this but I said to myself "I'm not alone,my family,friends we are facing it together"
Don't ask me how many times I cried myself to sleep.
Sometimes I want to go to somewhere alone and scream out all of my worries.
Mom and Dad are getting older.
I wish they will be here,beside me when I'm married and having my own family.
I can't imagine my life without them.
They're so precious to me.
I want to be their little baby forever.
I'm sorry if sometimes I feel mad at you.
I'm just going through my puberty.
You know what?
I regret that I didn't spend more times with Kakak.
If I knew this gonna happen.
I'm gonna treasure every second of my times with her.
Only God knows how much I miss her.
She's my sister.
No one can take her away from me.
I wish I had someone who spend their times for me.
Because I want to let out everything.
I want to cry as much as I want.
I want to scream as much as I want.
Sometimes,
Life is a nightmare,,,

Night Blogging..

So,Assalamualaikum...
It's 9.18 p.m now.
I just got my final exam result yesterday.
Alhamdullillah, I got 56/215 in my batch.
My mom said it was good enough.
But,I have a feeling that my grade are going down day by day.
Maybe because I spend lot of time on phone and K-POP.
Let me be honest,I'm really really bad with Arabic.
I just don't have 'that' feeling with Arabic.
Today is a bittersweet day for me.
And I'm chatting with my old friends.
Oh god,I miss them so much.
Miss the moments we made before.
Love our stupid jokes.
They're always there by my side.
They lend their shoulders for me to cry on.
I'm not saying that my new friend aren't good enough, it just they have different feels.
I'm gonna stand proud one day and InshaAllah with the name Dr. Saidatul.
Aminn

I'm gonna change!

I'm gonna change myself.

You know what I've  being called as FAT many times.

And I'm sick of it!Yeah you're right I don't have the 20 inch waist,34kg weight,thigh gap or whatever.

I'm gonna have it soon.

I wanted to show to you guys that I can change.

It doesn't matter if I starve myself.

Call me fat,call me ugly or call me desperate.

But listen,don't think I change because of you.

I'm changing myself because of myself.

Yes! I'm embrassed at myself

.For this time I'm gonna keep in my mind 'No One Can Stop Me' 

I don't care if it takes 10 years.I'm going to be the second Kakak! I'm trying to make people happy like she made people happy.

I'm trying to be as successful as she is.

But,no one ever notices my hard works.

I know nobody can replace her.

Can't you see I'm hurting here when they say she cared about them?

 I cared for you too!! 

What am I? A potato?? 

People gonna be mad at me if they read this.

They will say that I'm jealous of Kakak or I'm desperate.

Say what you what.

But,I'm still gonna change.

Take note

How could you..

Some people did not know how much that things meant for me.

I spent lot of money for it.

It's my favourite items.

Art things.

People just thought that a pencil is nothing and so cheap.

For me it's expensive

.I spent my time with it.I spent my time arranging it by it colours.

I sharpen it every week.

My canvas,my sketchbook,watercolours..

They mean so much to me.

More worse that all the present I got are damaged.

I think you know the feeling when something you took care of with all of your heart,and someone damaged it.

I'm so disappointed.

The good impression of you just disappear.

No more good impression.

Can you just take of my things.

It's not even a huge things.Just...please.. 

My money just disappear like that.

The things that I don't wanna use yet.

But you just let other people use it.

And please stop stealing my things!!

 Stop using my phone like it is your phone.

If I can,I want to do all the things you did to me to you.

But,I held myself.I'm not that level YET.

It just,please do your job.

I'm really disappointed in you.