so, here we go. anyone who knows me know that i catch feelings easily. but this time, i caught feelings wayy too much. so let call this boy 'snow' bcs that what his name meant if you directly translate it. he's cute and i cant even deny it. he's TALL! i first met him at during foundation (obviously) and i literally have ZERO information o details about him. I remember seeing him and I went like "oh he kinda looks like fattah amin" he kept on denying on that opinion of mine but he really does has that fattah amin vibes you know. me and my friend tried hard to find out his name bcs we don't know him until my classmates told me that he's in physical science. that's a good point so we asked izzue's physical friend about him and finally we found out about him. turned out he's half japanese and half malay. what's with me and chinese-looking guy? but it was really hard to encounter him or even meet him in the hallways bcs only god knows why. there was this one time i was walking to the computer lab for my next class and his class just finished theirs. and this 'snow' was talking with this tuto/doctor about something. and I literally passed him like that was the first time being so close with him. i've tried so hard to keep my smile unnoticeable . ohhh and he was smilinggggggg and his smiles are the cutest thing 've ever seen. he got this eyesmileee that just melts my heart. alright moving on, there were literally nothing to tell bcs i rarely saw him. it was always my classmates who saw him or my roommates. UNTIL! the 29th of February, we had this MAE dinner thing. i jokingly said to my friends before the dinner that i'm going to take photo with him bcs i know i'm a chicken and i wouldn't have that much courage to take one. so during the night, i figured out that my table was only a table away from him. oh my god he looked so good that night. he was only wearing this simple gold and black shirt with his hair down but he looked FINE. when the dinner almost finished, people were taking pictures with their friends, teachers ans s/o. my two other friends, ekin and izzue keep encouraging me to take photo with him. but this girl is to nervous to ask. so, in the end, we asked iman to ask him for a pic with me. (that was confusing) so we took a couple of photos together he is so niceeeeeeee. he's so freaking cuteeee. here's the pic!! doesn't he look so gooddd
still nothing happened after that night, oh he followed me back on Instagram but unfollowed me after a few days :(
i've met him once before quarantine started. it was during kuaz activity at night and he was wearing this jersey shirt with a cap, BACKWARDS holy moly. and then we got this quarantine going and my foundation finished just like that. i think the quarantine got to me bcs i confessed to him. i CONFESSED to him. oh my god it was so embarassing as heck. but thank god he took it nicely. he is very nice. we talk everyday for almost a week. just some short chit chats nothing much. but then he ghosted me HAHAHA what do i expect. so I went through this weird and emotional phase. we didn't talk for almost 2 months i guess? but he wished me a happy birthday. he called me 'qistina' !!! finally i got called by a name that i always wanted people to call me. when raya comes, i decided to hit him up with the infamous eid wishes. so he replied and we talked again for 5 days i guess. anddd he ghosted me again hah what's new? and then i wished him a happy birthday on his birthday, duh. why am I the one that always start the conversation :/ so he replied and he called me 'qis' this time asdffghjkl that did something to my poor heart. i was planning on not continuing the conversation bcs i'm scared that the will ghost me again. but he was sooo goodd at texting hahahah i just cannot ignore it so we talked, again almost everyday. we even talked until 2am about stupid stuffs, deep topics, about himm, about me. i was so confident texting him bcs i know that he didn't know how i looked like. he will be disappointed if he knew bcs i'm not that pretty and i'm fat. come on i know my place. so we talked and talked until i flew to kl to pack my stuff at college. when i got to kl, my brother and sis in law wanted to show me their new house in cyberjaya. and guess what he stayed in cyber too!!! so when i told him that i was planning to visit cyber he asked me out to hang out when i'm there. lemme tell you, my heart bursted like i was so shocked and surprised and speechless. like meeting him? oh my goodness. but me being my insecure ass said 'insyaallah' but i set my mind on not going bcs i don't want him to see me. im ugly >_< so the next day comes and i went to cyber to go and see the new house. we were still talking on telegram. when he knew i arrived there already, he asked once again. i just told him i'm wearing ugly clothes (bcs i literally am, i wore this oversized clothes ugh) but he kept on insisting. so, in the end, i gave in, bcs i'm scared that i might regret my decision on not going later. so he DROVE to my bro's new house to get me. p.s, i gave him the wrong direction and it was so freaking embarrassing and i felt so baddddd. i was waiting for him to arrive and istg i cannot sit still, this is too much to take in. suddenly i got a notification saying 'dah sampai' hdbhsfbshkdbshkdn again, my heart flew out of my ribcage. when i went out to peek just to make sure he's really here, he was standing in front of the porch waving at me as soon as he sees me ( HE LOOKD SO GOOD!!!!). i ran back into the room i was in just to gather myself. i did some kind of 'wait' sign to him beforehand. when my sis in law opened the door he came close and i went out. jdkfndhfhdffh long story short we went to the mall. we talked on the way it was kinda awkward kinda not. but he did ask me 'if i told anyone about going out with him' i said no. it kinda broke my heart a little bit but hm i's fine. at the mall, we were queueing for tealive and suddenly he started humming some song. and i was like 'lagu apa kau nyanyi ni' turns out it was a bt song that was playing in the bg. so cute. we it got to our turn to order, i decided to belanja him bcs he drove me and went extra miles bcs of the wrong location i gave him. so while ordering he suddenly called out 'qis' and god i literally froze. my name sounded so nice when he said it. so i turned to him to ask why and he said 'tudung kau, belakang' i showed a little of skin bcs my shawl went up. bdsdnsjnjnsdnj comelnyaaaa ya allah. i just muttered a thank you. then we walked and talked around the mall. we went to watsons, mph and this random spectacles store bcs he wanted to go there. he spoke in english with the salesman and he looked so coolll. and then, he sent me back at a restaurant bcs my bro and fam were there. HIM, DRIVING? *chef's kiss* kak fara was so excited to hear the whole story. but then, i got worried that we would stop talking bcs he saw me in person and in my worst form. but we didn't bcs he texted me a couple hours later about some Levi wallpaper. days after that i started having doubts about him bcs i felt like his texts were getting dry and i felt like a burden to him. oh and he also posted a pic of a girl on his Instagram. maybe she is his crush, idek. so we stopped talking and this time i ghosted him bcs i don't want him ghosting me first. i think it's because i'm annoying and ugly. i might text him again but when that times come i don't want to put my hopes up anymore. i don't want any expectations anymore. i'm tired. i'm tired getting sad over my own damn expectations. lemme just have a crush on him lowkey this time. i knew it was the first and the last time we went out that day. should've known better. he was way too good for me after all. that's it, for now, i guess
till next time, xoxo
